I went to sleep smiling last night! Just thinking of everything that could be. That should be. I kept having those vague, passionate, candid conversations right inside of my head. How you would be surprised and pleasantly so, how you would be confused and unsure, how we would talk about meanings and consequences and how we would just let that single night be both meaningless and inconsequential. And how I would whisper ever so softly that, it would be just like our lives! Where nothing outside of it really gets impacted by what we do with it.
You know I often think that whatever I have felt for you is actually love. And that you're almost the only person that I have really loved. Everything else was in passing. Out of an external suggestion in some sense. But you. I loved you the same even when you were really different. And I love you more now. Given how complex it all is!
My passion for you remained, sometimes hidden, a lot of times not so hidden :) I often feel how I am wronging three people. You, shorty and I. But I don;t care about that.
Why do you worry so much, swifty? Why? I'm not even sure if you really feel anything for me, but I still hope. Sure, it might not change the way things are socially for us. But in our minds, won't we be much more peaceful? Or would we be? Or perhaps it's not so much like how it is for me. I am to you, like how everyone else except you are to me! And so you probably think it's not worth it.
I wish that we speak our chests off one day. I even have the perfect location and time in my mind for that. I would just lay my head on your shoulders and you would hold me gently and we would talk. Sometimes smile and giggle and feel silly about not talking so long. You would keep telling those stupid jokes and I would laugh my heads off. And then somewhere in between we would look into each others' eyes and perhaps kiss. We would..
Ah well. Or, like always, you might just stand me up :)
