Saying that I love you..

Sometimes it's really easy when I just say it. When I just say that I love you. I wonder why it took me so long to realize it.

Over-enthusiastic fuckwads, get a grip on yourselves. For fuckssake!

Given to a man whose hand is cold as ice

All I need is a friend.
To break her heart, of course.

Reconnect

Reconnecting makes sense only when you have connected in the first place. Social networking is fucking lame.

I am so boring

I want to shine. Tell me how.
Been this boring, awkward person too long.
Always been worried about saying the wrong thing.
Hitting the wrong spot.

Shine. is what I want.
The glow, the lights, the power.
I want you to notice me.
See me for who I am.

Your love isn't enough.
No baby, not enough. Sorry.
I want more. I want the glory.
I want the apparent love of so many.

Perhaps for a split second.
But let me hold it.
Let me be that girl.
For once, let me shine.

Have I told you lately..

As I think about every one of those guys in my past and remember all the very nice moments, I feel this immense urge to say "I love you" to every one of them. It's a feeling that is so strong that nothing else would feel right. Except saying those words. It's that overwhelming!
I was thinking about Astle today. I have been thinking about him lately because of this nice e-mail exchanges we are having. I had cut off all communication with him and out of the blue he sent me the battle star galactica track- "Are you alive". And I am alive, of course and it started.
We are just talking very mundane stuff but I'm thrilled to bits already. I remember all the memories associated with him in tremendous detail. Sometimes I even miss the smell of his whiskey stained lips. I absolutely adore that memory of eating pizza naked on a lazy Sunday late morning. And now I want to say "I love you" to him.
Obviously I don't want anything back. I don't even want to say it so that he knows that I am saying it. It's just a strong impulse from within to express it. Even if it is only to myself :)
I know it is not serious and my life doesn't depend on it. Neither is the feeling such that it will make me pursue it. No.
But I love these momentary, fleeting, strong urges. It keeps me alive. And in a strange sense, curious.
This got me thinking if I don't think so highly of love! Since I keep wanting to say "I love you" to so many people.
Or perhaps I indeed love so many people!

Don't feel at home.

The problem with all the guys that I date is that they just don't leave. They all have been very good guys. And shoot me for being so lame but seriously, my problem is that they are indeed very good. And a more important problem that I have is that I want to leave. All the time.
Like everyone, I love the beginnings. The heady feeling of curiosity, getting to know, warmth in the head, all the sexual tension, the first ripping-the-clothes-apart - all these never fail to amaze me. I adore every bit of the start. And once I know it all, I have felt it all, I have known and felt. And I don't seek more.As days go by, companionship is a burden, a sense of duty almost completely replaces any shred of love. But I am lazy, of course. And I don't want to come across as a cold-hearted bitch to myself. So, I just stick around. And wait!
Until a new beginning comes by.
The guys. I don't know if they are all insecure and spineless or very emotional. They have been believing in true love type of thing. So, they don't pick up subtle clues. They sometimes don't mind transgressions, always believing that the love is still alive.
In the heart of my hearts I know I won't get along well with such guys since we don't believe the same things. But  I date them. Perhaps because of a fear (and hope?) that if I were to magically change into a true-love-believer, I shouldn't have any trouble?
Heh.Whatever I may say, a cold-hearted bitch is what I am.