Only fools rush

And so I left those pretty earrings on your table. Wishing that you would see them when I'm gone and keep them with you till you saw me next time. And I had sworn I would ask about it just once and never again. That way you would just keep it with you if you wanted to. I know you are a sucker for souvenirs. And you would give it back to me if you didn't care at all.
And I asked you. But you said something that I didn't ever think you would. You said you didn't see anything. It was impossible to not see it. You saw everything that was around it. And you are meticulous like that. And then I so smilingly thought how you said you didn't see it because you wanted to keep it and not tell me about it. I know I'm so silly. To keep thinking about those small moments. But it did raise my hopes so much, you know. I don't know if you told me the truth, perhaps those earrings just fell off or something. But.
I long for you. It's a shame we didn't even kiss. I wish that we kiss. At least once, you know.
It's been over two years and neither of us brought the topic of earrings up. I know I did so many other things rashly. But you had a choice all the time. You just had to say it to me. Say anything. I would have understood.
It does seem like I have moved on with my life. But whenever I think of you, talk to you, remember you, time goes back and gets stuck there.
I wish. Many things. You, your smile and your love.

Here

I have been here for long. For longer than you know. And I have tried my best to break my mold. But then I keep falling back in it. I think the reason is pretty obvious and is a well-known one. People who I know in real life read what I write and that bothers me. I want to be heard, I do. That's the whole point of writing a public blog.
I have tried letting it all go. I sometimes think, all these people about whom I am so worried, do not even care about what I think or what I write. Perhaps it doesn't bother anyone. But I can't get myself to get out of that fucking boundary.
And now, it's a fresh start again. To say what I want. Without worrying about anything. I wish I have the perseverance this time. There have been countless beginnings and more in-betweens. And no ends. That somewhat makes me sad. Unending stories. But such is life it seems.
I hope someone reads me :)